


Whispers And Lies That I'll Never Believe

by ConsiderableColors



Series: ANGST [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But making up for it later, Connor repressing his feelings, Fighting, Fire, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied conversion camp, Kevin acting like a little shit, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Rain, References to other musicals, That might be a bit dramatic, Whump, Yelling, cursing, pain and suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14537604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsiderableColors/pseuds/ConsiderableColors
Summary: When Connor's idea is ruined, Kevin is left to pick up the pieces.~~~Inspired by the season one finale of Camp Camp because I can.~~~Fic titled taken from the song I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme).~~~Please read this. It took me weeks to write.  I'm desperate.





	Whispers And Lies That I'll Never Believe

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the Book Of Mormon. I do, however, own an evil, angst-creating mind.

It was a miserable day in Uganda. Ever since the death of one of their townsfolk, everyone had been incredibly downcast. Everyone except Elder Connor McKinley.

"We need to find a way to raise people's spirits!" He exclaimed, pacing back and forth in the missionary's hut.

"Well Elder, you can't really blame everyone. It was a tragic thing to happen." Elder Poptarts reasoned.

"I know, Elder, but I'm worried."

"We could host some sort of a movie marathon, I have the full Lord Of The Rings series!" Elder Cunningham suggested.

"We don't have a DVD player." Elder Price reminded.

Elder Church sighed. "I'm not sure there's much we CAN do." 

Connor bit his lip, trying to think. Suddenly, an idea hit him. "I've got it! We can start a campfire, we'll make s'mores and tell ghost stories and sing songs!"

The other Elders all perked up, nodding and voicing their agreement.

"What a great idea, Elder!" Poptarts grinned.

(Steve and I would host a campfire every month!) (Turn it off.) Connor clasped his hands together. "Excellent! So this afternoon, we'll host a campfire."

The Elders began to file out. Kevin, however, hung back. "It really is a great idea, Elder."

Connor laughed. "Kevin, you know you don't have to be so formal. We're alone, and we ARE friends."

Kevin smiled. "Right. Old habits die hard, I guess. But really Connor, that was smart."

Connor shrugged easily. "It's not that impressive."

"I just... I don't understand how you manage to stay positive all the time. I used to find it easy to stay cheerful, but lately..." Kevin trailed off.

Connor placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with being a bit down now and then. You've hit a rough spot, that's all. Things will look up soon. (Will they?) (YES.)

Kevin smiled uncertainly. "Right. Well, I'll see you this evening, Connor." He left.

Connor smiled, confident this would be a fantastic door.

~~~

Connor would soon discover that he was wrong. His day SUCKED.

He stained his favorite vest (a sparkly pink one), he was late for his morning duties (because he lost his Book Of Arnold), got a less-than-pleasant call from his parents ("You have disgraced your church and your family with these faulty teachings!") , he tripped and fell headfirst into a puddle of mud (in front of a large group of people), and in general, barely lasted the day without crying.

But still! He was going to stay positive! Everyone has a rough day now and then, but he was happy! (That was a lie.) (TURN IT OFF.) The good news was that it was just about time for the campfire, and Connor was determined to make everything perfect.

He walked to the spot they had agreed on, discovering he was the first one there. That was fine by him. Connor began gathering rocks and assembling a makeshift fire pit. It was an old trick he had learned in fourth grade, when his parents sent him to a summer camp. (It was a lot better than the other camp they sent him to.) (Shut. Up.) 

That was when the unthinkable happened. The sky opened up, and it started to rain. Nay, it POURED. 

Connor could've screamed.

This was really the cherry on top. If he was anybody else, he would've cried and cursed and ranted. But no. He was Elder Connor McKinley, and he refused to let something as petty as weather deter him.

So, Connor knelt down by the fire pit, and rubbed two sticks together, just as he had planned on doing. He would start a fire, rain or shine. A few minutes later, a small group approached, a mix of Elders and Villagers.

"There you are!" Poptarts exclaimed. "We couldn't find you anywhere!" 

Connor forced out a smile. "Yep, I'm just trying to get this fire started!"

The group exchanged a look. "Elder, it is pouring. You weren't still planning on having the fire tonight, were you?" Nabulungi asked.

Connor's face fell. He had been so determined to not let this change things. He hadn't even considered how anyone else would feel. Arnold must've noticed the down downcast look on the mission leader's face. "Hey, it's okay. Maybe it won't rain tomorrow and we can try again, right everybody?"

Everyone nodded. Trying not to show his disappointment, Connor smiled weakly. "Oh. Right. Perfect." Determined not to let the day be a complete waste, he spoke again. "I'll um, catch up with you guys. I'm just going to, uh, enjoy the fire myself a few minutes..."

Frowning, Church nodded. "Well... Alright."

"Don't stay out too long." Elder Thomas added.

Connor nodded, distracted. He began to maneuver the sticks even rougher, determined to prove a point. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon..." He muttered.

"Give it up, Connor. It's not going to happen."

Connor looked up to see Elder Price scowling. Unbeknownst to Connor, Kevin had a bad day as well. The only difference was Kevin wasn't sure why. He had felt off all day, either on the verge of tears or snapping at people for no reason. Unfortunately, at the moment Kevin was leaving towards the latter.

"You made a plan, life fucked you over. Get over it."

Connor gritted his teeth. He had neither the time nor the mood for dealing with this. So, he ignored Kevin and continued what he was doing.

Kevin didn't appreciate the lack of acknowledgment. "Damnit Connor, don't be stupid. You're going to catch pneumonia out here. You can do the fire thing tomorrow."

Sighing quietly, Connor forced his voice to sound upbeat. "You don't need to be so pessimistic. I can do this right now, and I will."

Kevin scoffed. "Y'know, not only are you acting like an idiot right now, but you're also being a real asshole. Not everyone can be SO FUCKING HAPPY ALL THE TIME!" Out of nowhere, the Orlando-loving man was yelling.

"Calm down." Connor mumbled, keeping his cool.

"No! NO! I... I don't UNDERSTAND you, Connor McKinley! Why don't you cry yourself to sleep like everyone else in that GOD-FORSAKEN HUT? Why are you always so DAMN PEPPY?"

(Connor could feel the facade slipping.) (Turn. It. O F F.) Connor continued attempting friction with the sticks. One snapped in half. Connor bit the inside of his cheek and kept going with the broken half.

"KNOCK IT O F F, CONNOR. WE'RE BOTH GETTING SOAKED OUT HERE!"

The other twig snapped. The mission leader still kept at it, shivering as the rain drenched his clothes.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING?"

"BECAUSE SOMEONE FUCKING HAS TO!" Connor screamed.

Kevin stood there, shocked into silence. Elder McKinley never yelled OR swore. "Connor-"

He deflated. "Go back to the house." Connor said quietly. "You'll catch a cold."

"Connor, are you-"

"I'm perfectly fine, Elder Price." The smile was strained. (This wasn't right this wasn't right this wasn't) (OFF like a light switch.) 

Kevin frowned, taking note of the sudden formality. "Look-"

"Go." Came the stern reply.

Defeated, Kevin began to walk away. That was when the lightning struck, a resounding crack of thunder accompanying it. Kevin turned at the sound, just in time to see a tree beginning to fall.

"CONNOR!" Kevin screeched, shoving him out of the way right as the tree hit the ground.

Both men were uninjured. However, the tree had landed right in the middle of the attempted campfire. Connor turned away, shoulders shaking. Kevin blinked, confused. 'Is he seriously laughing at all of this?' Kevin scooted closer, scanning his friend's face. That's when he realized. 

Connor was trying to smile, but there were tears streaming down his face.

Kevin hesitated. "Are... Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeppers. Of course. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?" Connor grinned desperately.

Kevin's voice softened. "Hey, Connor... It's-it's alright... You don't have to lie to me, okay?" He wrapped his arms around his friend's body, and Connor shattered.

Kevin rubbed his back, whispering comforts to Connor as he sobbed. "I-I c-can't-t turn it of-ff anym-m-more..." Connor choked out.

"You don't need to. You're allowed to be sad, Connor."

"N-no, I'm supposed to be h-happy..."

"No one's happy all the time."

"But-"

Kevin gently lifted his chin. "Con, I need you to look at me and listen to what I'm saying, okay? Everyone- and I mean everyone -gets sad sometimes. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's what makes us human. We all have bad days, bad memories, things that way down on us. But forcing them down and pretending they're not there isn't healthy. No matter how hard you try, you can't ignore who you are or how you feel. Trust me, I've tried. And I understand. 

It's terrifying to accept yourself, especially when you've been repressing things for a long time. Admitting you're not okay, that's the hardest step. But you don't have to go through that- or anything -alone. You have friends that are willing to help you. But Con, you've got to be honest with us, and with yourself, okay?"

Shakily, Connor nodded. He choked back a sob, leaning into Kevin's shoulder and crying even harder.

"Shh, it's okay. Just let it out, alright? I'm here for you."

They sat there in the rain for what felt like hours, Kevin holding Connor until the tears came to a slow stop. The man sat up, wiping his eyes.

"You okay?" Kevin asked, worried.

Connor took a deep breath. "No. But... I will be."

Kevin smiled reassuringly. "Everything will be alright."

"Everything will be alright." Connor agreed.

"C'mon," Kevin said, standing up. "Let's go home."

And they did.

**Author's Note:**

> Projecting onto characters? Lmao. Never heard of it.


End file.
